Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
