Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
