Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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