Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
