So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
