Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
