Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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