You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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