I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
