I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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