dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
