They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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