It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
