I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
