So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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