I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
