im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
