I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
