I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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