New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
