These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
