You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
