If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize