I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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