dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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