Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
