True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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