fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
