Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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