My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
