he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
pop tarts are not kleenex
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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