When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
