i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
