I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
