Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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