We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
