I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
