Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm always down for nudity.
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