from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
