Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
