Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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