What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
