So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize