bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
