I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
