nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
