Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize