Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
