If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize