I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
