you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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