What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
