someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
