dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
