Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
