I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
