so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
