I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
