I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
