his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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