I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
