Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
