The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
