I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
