you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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